


The Promise

by Mouldsee



Category: DBSK|Tohoshinki|TVXQ
Genre: Angst, M/M, loads, of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-20
Updated: 2013-10-20
Packaged: 2017-12-29 23:14:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1011238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mouldsee/pseuds/Mouldsee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Changmin makes a promise to Yunho</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Promise

_“Changminnie…yah  Changminnie…”_

_Go away._

_“Changminnie… we are late.”_

Changmin opened his eyes slowly, reluctantly.

_“Get up, it’s late.”_

_Hyung?_

He blinked, struggling to pull himself from the clutches of his dream, letting the world come slowly into focus. He was in bed, in a room, alone. For a moment, his surroundings didn’t look familiar. The bed felt harder, the window wasn’t supposed to be on his left, the drapes looked different, even the ceiling cracks looked out of place. He sat up, head pounding, rubbing the heel of his hand against his eyes, trying to regain his orientation.

Where was he?

He squinted against the harsh winter morning sun that was pouring through the open window.

Fuck. Its bloody freezing. Who the hell kept the window opened all night?

He glanced around the room. And then it hit. He was home. At least, he was in his new apartment. It didn’t feel like home yet. The furnishings were all new, everything smelt new. He’d decided to leave everything that was familiar behind when he’d decided to move. And all because of Jung Yunho.

 It was such an inconvenience to move all over again, especially since he’d already gotten used to his previous apartment, the one he’d picked out when he had chosen to move out from their shared dorm. But this new place was more convenient now; it meant that they were closer to each other. He snorted.

_You’d better be appreciative of this, you idiot._

Changmin reached over for his phone. There were ten messages waiting to be read, which he chose to ignore, squinting for the time. He was late. He had only fifteen minutes to clean up before his appointment.

He shivered in the thin T-shirt he was wearing and cursed as he hopped barefoot over the freezing cold floor to the bathroom. At least the heater was left switched on for him to take a hot shower. Gone were the days where he would be falling out of the shower stall screaming from the shock of being hit by jets of icy cold water (thanks to a certain someone’s preferences). He whipped off his top, muttering about making the right choices in life, belatedly realizing that he was wearing one of Yunho’s old T-shirts.

It had smelt like a mixture of stale sweat and baby powder when he’d packed it together with the rest of his clothes. That man’s sense of personal hygiene was sometimes questionable, but it was one thing that was familiar that he could cling on to since he’d moved. But the only familiarity lay in its well-worn softness, the nubs of cotton poking out from years of wash. The old scent had since faded, and slowly replaced with his own.

 If anyone were to find out about this, he would be laughed out of the kpop industry. But after spending his teenage years and later on early adulthood pressed up against the man who sometimes shared the bed with him after a day of exhausting schedules, this was the closest thing he had as a security blanket.  He balled it up about to toss it aside, but changed his mind, folding it neatly before setting it gently on the counter.

Changmin got dressed in record time, flinging on a coat to ward off the winter’s chill, grabbing the nearest scarf uncaring of any fashion faux pas. Today was his day off, and he didn’t give a shit about the cameras. Yunho was not going to care what he looked like anyway. He ran out of the door, phone in hand, hitting the speed dial. The line connected, and went straight to voicemail.

 “Jung Yunho’s too busy for you right now, so leave a… YAH HYUNG!” it was his own voice, followed by muffled scuffling noises and then the sound he always wanted to hear; Yunho’s trademark laughter.

He didn’t bother leaving a message. Yunho would be there, he would wait. Just like the countless of times Changmin had waited for him as he dawdled in the bathroom, strolled through the throngs of fans and reporters at the airport and said hello to just about everyone on the set. It was never a question of patience. It just was.

And this appointment that he had with Yunho, was also one of those things. Changmin’s long impatient strides took him down to the street corner where he knew the older man would be. He had looked forward to this day, this one day, every single month, when they would meet, and it would be their time alone together, away from prying cameras and fans.

The morning sun shone Yunho’s hair gold. It was a light colour today, unstyled, straight bangs carelessly flopping into his eyes. He was dressed in heavy black sweater and jeans, too light for the weather, in Changmin’s opinion. He opened his mouth to nag, more of habit than actual criticism, but the smile that lit up Yunho’s entire face made him stop. When Yunho smiled like that, eyes crinkling, straight teeth flashing white in the sun, one just can’t help but smile back. And it had been a long time since Changmin had smiled. He allowed himself a tiny smile in response, his heart immediately lighter just knowing that they were together again.

There was no need for greetings as they fell into step together. Changmin shuffled to the right, and then slowed down even more so that he was slightly behind the other man. It was always like that for them. It didn’t feel right any other way. He stuffed his hands into the pockets of his coat and hunched against the cold, but his eyes remained on the broad figure slightly ahead of him, watchful. Jung Yunho strode through life with blinkers on, and it was Shim Changmin’s fate to always be on alert, watching out for any lamp posts, uneven pavements, or rabid fan girls that chose to throw themselves in their way. Today, even though there was no need for that, it was just one of those things he did.

It was still early, and the streets were still empty of cars. The world seemed to have fallen silent for them; Changmin could only hear the occasional crunch of snow under his own feet as they strolled along in easy silence. There were a million things that he’d wanted to say, things that he’d saved up over the course of the month, that he’d planned to say while he was scurrying in the house just earlier; ‘Hyung, did you know that my song topped the charts last week?’ ‘Did you know that I just got a lead role in a Japanese movie?’ ‘I ate the best ramen in Tokyo two days ago, you should have seen the size of the bowl!’

But the spell should not be broken. The beauty of the silence that they shared was something too precious to be destroyed by the mundane. Everything else could wait. He would share his news another day. Next month. Their next walk together.

The signs of city life started to fade as they continued on their journey. There were more trees now, the roads narrower. Changmin ignored his surroundings, eyes still on the man slightly ahead of him. He knew this path well; it was the road they took every time they met for the past year, he could close his eyes and would still be able to remember every turn, tree, and pebble.    

Changmin started to hum. He knew the words, but he couldn’t bring himself to sing them. He knew all of Yunho’s favourites by heart, and would sing to his hyung upon request in the past, sometimes late at night, if they had trouble sleeping. Yunho lifted his head; eyes closed, a slight smile on his face, and Changmin knew that he was joining in with his own harmony.

He missed their voices together. He missed them together. He missed the surge of energy Yunho brought with him wherever he went, and also the calm of assurance knowing that he was physically there. Without the other, it felt like something was wrong, incomplete. And today, he felt complete again. Though short, it was enough.

Their pace had slowed, as if both knowing that their walk was coming to an end. The gate that they had always passed through together was in sight, half hidden by a cluster of vines that were overgrown from neglect.

It was always at this point that Changmin would change his mind, the ache would come again, and his mind would be screaming for him to turn back and just walk away. But he never did, except for the first time, when he had left Yunho behind and ran like the demons from hell were chasing him.

As if Yunho knew what he was thinking, he paused and turned to look at him, eyes bright with understanding, continuing only when Changmin had fallen in step with him. It was always his way of providing assurance, without having to say anything. It said I will always be beside you no matter what, whether it was on stage, during practices, interviews and on TV shows. The spot beside Jung Yunho meant protection. And it had always shielded him through the worst of times in their years together.

A promise was a promise, he’d made a commitment to Yunho and himself that he would do this, and Changmin would see it through till the end of his days.

They walked through the gates, the silence around them thickening further. The ground was covered by fallen leaves, the damp of winter plastering them together to form a thick carpet. Changmin could no longer hear anything, his entire focus on keeping himself from turning back; forcing his mind to go blank, letting his legs automatically take him to the spot that was the final point of their destination.

The last few steps and Changmin stopped, taking a deep breath, dreading what was to come. Yunho tilted his head, staring at him expectantly, a soft smile playing on his lips.

_Hyung, I can’t. Not yet._

If he could throw a tantrum right now, he would. But Yunho would have none of it.

Those eyes, those damned eyes that always looked at Changmin like he was the best thing that had happened to him, softened further, as if to say that everything was going to be okay, and inclined his head.  

 Changmin lowered his eyes, heart heavy, knowing that their time together was over. When he looked up again, Yunho was gone.

He looked down at the slab of cold grey granite, partially covered in snow. The magic that had kept him safe for the past half an hour faded, and reality crowded in, as stark as the words carved into the tomb stone.   

_Jung Yunho_

_1986 – 2013_

_The star that faded too soon_

_Son, brother, friend_

Changmin knelt down in front of the tombstone, uncaring that the snow on the ground was soaking through his wool pants. This was the promise that he had made to himself and to Yunho. One day of being together again, every single month. It was their routine, like all their other routines and habits that they had formed when Yunho had been alive.

He lifted a hand, gently sweeping away the snow that was covering the last word carved into granite.  His gloveless finger traced it gently, as if carving it all over again, into his heart.

 _Beloved._  

 

**Author's Note:**

> A fic dedicated to Fanboy, who gave me the idea. My first time writing character death and it was a painful process. This is a practice fic for a bigger story to come (which I’m still planning for). Thank you once again for reading

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Things I should have said](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1016641) by [Mouldsee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mouldsee/pseuds/Mouldsee)




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